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Tobias Wulf

[ website | My Place ]
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Where are all the Republicans? [22 Aug 2003|03:54pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Here's a good question. Go back in time a little, when a whole lot of celebrities were speaking out against the Bush administration. What happened? Every Republican and Bush supporter blasted the liberal actors and stars, saying they had no right to criticize them, because they were stupid and had no political experience. Now that an actor turned bodybuilder runs for their party, there is complete support. Where is his credentials? What makes him different from the other actors the Republicans blasted so little time ago?

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Recently [18 Aug 2003|12:49pm]
[ mood | calm ]

A lot of things have been happening recently.
I finally bought a laptop and a Clie from Circuit City, which was a chore unto itself. Here is the deal. I need a laptop for my engineering courses. Its required. so, I've been lookign for a good laptop for a while. finally I find what seems like a great deal. Its a 1.8 gigahertz processor, 256 Mb of memory, 40 gig hard drive, DVD/CD-RW and good battery life. All under 900 dollars. A good deal. At the same time, the Clie is on sale for 100 dollars. Which is good. clie makes me organized. I had one for two weeks during a physcology and it was the most organized two weeks of my life. If I had possessed it a third week I would have no doubt cured cancer. The only catch to this great deal? I had to drive to Shreveport. you see, the closest Circuit City was in Shreveport. The drive there wasn't so abd, it took a good hour to get there, just like everyone said. However, it took another hour just to find the damn place!
I have my laptop and Clie now, so thats okay.

No luck finding a job as of yet. The fast-food places are hiring, but there is no way in hell I'm working there again. I'm beginning to think there isn't a job to be had in this forsaken town. I was so close to having a job though. There is this furniture store in down, at the shopping center. I was there, looking for job, when I decided to wander in. I had no resumes left so I just asked for the manager. I began talking, working my magic, selling myself. It worked! I was offered job, starting immediately. However, it was full time, and I am a student. A total bitch. I might be hired come September though.

Thats about all thats been happening. Its pretty boring here. Almost no-one in the dorms and nothing to do.

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Recently [18 Aug 2003|12:49pm]
[ mood | calm ]

A lot of things have been happening recently.
I finally bought a laptop and a Clie from Circuit City, which was a chore unto itself. Here is the deal. I need a laptop for my engineering courses. Its required. so, I've been lookign for a good laptop for a while. finally I find what seems like a great deal. Its a 1.8 gigahertz processor, 256 Mb of memory, 40 gig hard drive, DVD/CD-RW and good battery life. All under 900 dollars. A good deal. At the same time, the Clie is on sale for 100 dollars. Which is good. clie makes me organized. I had one for two weeks during a physcology and it was the most organized two weeks of my life. If I had possessed it a third week I would have no doubt cured cancer. The only catch to this great deal? I had to drive to Shreveport. You see, the closest Circuit City was in Shreveport. The drive there wasn't so abd, it took a good hour to get there, just like everyone said. However, it took another hour just to find the damn place!
I have my laptop and Clie now, so thats okay.

No luck finding a job as of yet. The fast-food places are hiring, but there is no way in hell I'm working there again. I'm beginning to think there isn't a job to be had in this forsaken town. I was so close to having a job though. There is this furniture store in down, at the shopping center. I was there, looking for job, when I decided to wander in. I had no resumes left so I just asked for the manager. I began talking, working my magic, selling myself. It worked! I was offered job, starting immediately. However, it was full time, and I am a student. A total bitch. I might be hired come September though.

Thats about all thats been happening. Its pretty boring here. Almost no-one in the dorms and nothing to do.

1 comment|post comment

The awesome rerelease! [09 Aug 2003|04:46pm]
[ mood | creative ]

I've decided, against the advice of my stuffed fox, Jean, to show you all a series of short stories I wrote. They star a young wolfpup named Toby and big wuff named Prank. I never claimed to be good with names. Enjoy!

A Pranky Christmas

Outside the wind blew forth its fury, its chill gusts sharpened by razor flakes of snow as it rolled across the fields. As far as the eye could see the land was blanketed in white and dotted only by the bare skeletons of trees groaning under the weight of ice. Somewhere within the world of white there was a single lonely glow, separated from its neighbors far. At a close range details emerged, a brick home, green trim, and a gently smoking chimney. The entire façade was very friendly and inviting to say the least. The interior was just as cheery, with a roaring fire and a steamy cup of cocoa. The Christmas tree was blazing, lit up by several stands of lights as it sat in the middle of the room. Every ornament was perfectly hung, the angels and silver globes flawless, unmarred, save a tiny splatter of blood along the side of an angel’s face, and the drips upon a silver globe. The blood had dried hours ago from the heat of the fire, though the cuts had not yet healed. In fact, at that very moment a dark gray pup stood at a steel sink, washing the cuts on his muzzle with care, shuddering at each touch of the icy water even as his whimpering breath condensed. He had hung the ornaments, hung them with great care, because when they were not exactly as they should be, the older, far more powerful and dominating wolf would slap him, his sharp claws making bloody cuts in the pup’s muzzle. The poor puppy could do nothing in his own defense, lacking strength in mind and body. He could only cry and whimper as his master, Prank, beat him around for a bit and then tossed him from the den contemptuously.

Like any other fur, Christmas season was very stressful for Prank, and every bulging muscle in his massive wolf body cried for a release of the tension. This made him irritable, making poor Toby’s days worse by a hundredfold. Toby tried every thing he could think of, did his very best in all things he could, but it was never enough for Prank. Consistently Prank found faults in each endeavor his pet undertook, and then, without remorse, punish him harshly, no matter how small the offense. As Toby curled up, crying, in his bed his head swirled, not with the happy, hopeful thoughts most pup have around Christmas, oh no, not Toby. Toby’s mind was already filled with fear of the pain he would endure tomorrow, already dreading the next day even as he settled into his bed, which was no more then a ratty blanket tucked in a cardboard box in the unheated laundry room, his tears freezing on his muzzle.

********************************************

The day had finally come, Christmas day dawned with no less than solar brilliance, the Sun’s rosy fingers making everything glow as if it were gold. All over the world happy kittens, cubs and puppies rejoiced as they reveled in the generosity of their loving families. However, for Tobias, it was like every other day, get up early to go make breakfast, bring it to his master in bed, get the daily slap for messing up the food, although this morning he got two slaps, one for breakfast and the other for not being cheery enough. Either by accident or design Prank never seemed to understand that a life of abuse would leave a pup unhappy, it was almost as if Prank enjoyed causing Toby pain. When Prank was done with breakfast he shooed Toby off to clean the dishes while he went to the den. Toby hurried to clean as fast as he could, hampered somewhat by the need to leave each piece of dinnerware shining clean. By the time he managed to enter the den, Prank was impatiently waiting for him, tapping a hindpaw on the floor with more than the usual anger. Tobias automatically cringed back toward the door, anticipating the pain to follow. Prank didn’t disappoint him either, his massive white wolfpaw closed over Toby’s scruff, yanking him up into the air. Prank used this grip to carry him all the way across the room, his claws slowly being driven into the pup’s neck, making him bleed a bit. With a tiny whimper Toby looked up at the destination as they arrived, an end table laden with a glass of milk and a plate of cookies, untouched. Just as Toby began to understand what that meant he was yanked upwards until his short, slender muzzle was even with Prank’s own. The large white wolf snarled, and yelled at Toby for being a bad puppy, baking cookies so nasty that Santa didn’t want them, each word punctuated by a sharp slap or threatening growl. At the end of his spiel Prank dropped the sobbing pup back on the floor with a soft thump, Toby’s nose bleeding, the drops flowing down his muzzle to fall on his chestfur. Prank continued softly growling about stupid puppies as his paws rummaged in the stockings, pulling out sunglasses for himself and a pair of shorts, cheap, flimsy and probably used, for the pup. It was the same thing Toby had gotten last Christmas, and the Christmas before that, he had in fact received a pair of shorts every year, and nothing else. Prank walked across the hardwood floor, his claws ticking as he padded over to where the whimpering pup lay. He stood over him a moment, his blue eyes studying Toby’s form carefully, the curve of his back as he huddled there, the way his tail curled down between his legs and almost plastered itself to the young pup’s crotch, every subtle detail of his submission was absorbed and thoroughly savored by Prank as he dropped the shorts on his head. With an evenly toned voice, as if nothing had happened, Prank told Toby to go get into his new shorts. When Toby was a fraction slower in getting up than Prank desired, he merely make a swift movement and buried one strong hindpaw in his pup’s soft belly. Just like an accordion Toby folded around his master’s paw, his muzzle open in a silent scream of pain, deprived of the air needed to make a sound. Prank smiled down at his pup and issued a soft reminder to always obey quickly before he used his strong leg to scoot Toby right out the door.

When Toby returned, clad in his new shorts, Prank was lounging in his chair holding a brightly wrapped box in his paws. It was time once again to open presents, and Toby was to hand them out, an easy task, considering that all the presents were for Prank, just like last year, and all the years before that. Toby carefully carried each package to Prank in his chair, delivering the presents from friends and associates. Prank opened each one and hefted the gifts, thoroughly enjoying himself. After noting Toby’s lack of enthusiasm for this Prank slapped him again, just once or twice and not too hard, just enough to make his nose trickle blood. Immediately following that Tobias obediently acted happy for Prank, clapping his little paws softly as each box’s contents were revealed. Finally there was a small mound of presents for Prank, from ties to snow globes and for Tobias, nothing to show.

Toby began to clean up the paper his master had thrown about haphazardly only to stop suddenly as Prank spoke to him. Prank informed Toby, in a most direct manner, of a small box, badly wrapped in newspaper hidden far under the tree. Toby was both startled that he had missed a box and was also dreadfully scared of the beating he was to receive, his ears and tail falling by reflex. Prank chuckled to himself, still amazed at the power he wielded over his meek puppy. Prank waved to his pup to fetch the box, his own white tail wagging as the pup slunk up to his chair, eyes closed and shuddering. Prank removed the box from his paws and opened it up, pulling out a small stuffed animal. He cupped one paw under Toby’s chin and lifted the quivering muzzle up and softly commanding to look. Tobias reluctantly opened his eyes to view the small plushie, a rabbit in fact, faded blue and kinda ragged, like something would find at a garage sale for a quarter, so old its button nose and eyes were almost to the point of coming off. Prank spoke for a moment, telling Tobias at length at how nasty this present was and how much he didn’t want it, making such a big deal of it before pretending to reluctantly give it to Toby. As Toby gently took the bunny into his arms, he started to softly cry, startled at receiving a second toy after what had happened to his first. He had gotten his first toy maybe 3 years ago when a frustrated Prank had thrown a paper clip at him and told him to play with it. Play Tobias did, for almost 4 months in his spare time he played with it, twisting it into different shapes and then making up games. It all came crashing down one day though, when the thin metal snapped, leaving Tobias with a broken toy. He was distraught, sobbing for at least an hour over the loss, and when Prank found out he, of course, punished Tobias severely, chaining him to the wall and whipping him hour after hour for breaking his toy. After that Toby thought he would never ever get another toy, and yet there it was, looking all shiny and new in his turquoise eyes. His tail and ears lifted a bit as his eyes brightened slightly, the new toy beginning to comfort him in a way that nothing else ever had. For the first time, Toby didn’t feel all alone, he had a companion, a friend. Granted it was a stuffed bunny, but it was the most reassuring thing he had ever held, merely knowing that it would be with him made Tobias feel so much better on the inside. His relatively great happiness was visible only on the outside by a slight straightening of his slumped shoulders and a tiny twitch in his tail. Prank watched his pup clutch the bunny to his chest, his little nose buried in the musty fur between its ears as he stood there, looking so small and vulnerable.

Suddenly Prank broke the silence by asking Tobias about his present. Toby looked up with a start and nodded softly, turning to go retrieve his gift for Prank, the bunny still held tight in his arms. Toby rushed back into the laundry room, grabbing a small sack and then returned to the den, holding it out meekly. As Prank took it he casually mentioned to Toby that his hopes were that it was a watch, because he could really use one of those, or something very nice. Toby watched as Prank opened the bag, the bunny grasped tightly as he anxiously awaited his master’s reaction, fearing the worst. A little over a month ago Prank had reminded him of the approaching season, and told him to find some kind of gift, something nice he had said, something like jewelry or other expensive things. This request frightened Toby terribly, because he could never acquire such things for two reasons, the first being he didn’t have any money, not even a penny and even if he did have enough money to buy something he couldn’t anyway because Prank never allowed him to leave the house. The furthest Toby had been from the house had been the back porch, and that had only happened once. He was in a daze, racking his scared puppy mind for ideas. He combed the house, looking for anything that might help him. He briefly debated making a watch, but discarded it almost immediately. At last Tobias made some headway, deep within the accumulated junk of the house he had found an ancient, off-white coffee cup. He kept it and scrubbed it till it was all nice and sparkling clean, though it was a bit yellow from age it looked fine by the time he was done. Then, with a second stroke of luck Toby found a tube of acrylic paint, half-empty. Toby kept those two items until a week before Christmas, not able to decide what to do. With a sudden flash of inspiration Toby knew what to do with the paint and cup, he wrote a nice message “#1 Master” on the cup. Tobias was illiterate, but not stupid, he knew his numbers and he had a picture of Prank labeled “Master” that had been hung in the laundry room and from these carefully wrote his message, using a finger in place of a brush. It took him hours, most of the time spend checking the letters to make sure they were all perfectly in order to please his master. Prank pulled the cup from the bag, his muzzle twisting from an expectant look to one of disbelief as he examined the cup and message. He looked from the cup to Toby, than back again and asked, somewhat miffed, if that was really his present. Toby’s ears flattened instantly, his first instinct to run very fast and far away to escape the beating he knew was coming, but instead he stood there, anchored by the knowledge that he would be caught and even more s eriously hurt. So with great fear Toby softly replied with a yes. As he answered the confused look on Prank’s muzzle contorted to one of anger. He began to snarl loudly and stepped towards Toby, one paw scooping him up by his collar, the other holding on the coffee cup so hard it looked like it would break. Prank yelled at Toby, calling him many names and oaths as his paw shook the crying puppy back and forth, he called Toby ungrateful, stupid and cheap. Prank brandished the coffee cup, screaming about how Toby never appreciated anything, how he was such a little shit, paying back his benevolent and caring master back in such a fashion. Toby dangled from his collar sobbing and cringing at every outburst, the rabbit clenched so tight to his chest that it might burst. Prank stopped for a moment to catch his breath and then, in a sudden fit of fury, smacked his pup across the muzzle with the coffee cup, making his little head snap to the side as he barked a sound of pure pain, his entire body going limp and slinging to the side, making him drop his beloved bunny. Prank snarled, unadulterated hatred in his eyes as he hit Tobias again with the coffee cup, right on the nose, making blood practically explode from the tender wolf’s muzzle. Toby yelped, short and sharp, before he was hit again. Prank continued to pummel his pup for almost a full minute before tossing the bloody cup to the side and hefting Toby’s limp, whimpering form higher. Toby was pretty bad off, his nose was leaking blood, his thin black lips were busted open in at least half a dozen places andone eye was going to be swollen shut for days, and the truly sad thing was that this incident was one of many, some even worse.

Prank simply held his bleeding pup in the air for a instant, growling about how much easier it would have been to get him a watch before punching the pup hard in the gut with his free paw, the force nearly tearing the collar from his grasp. Toby’s middle tried desperately to absorb the blow, all the organs inside flopping around the object that compressed them. Prank held on tight to Toby’s collar and held his paw in his belly before casually tossing him into the wall with a loud thump. Somehow, through the haze of pain, Toby saw his bunny, laying facedown on the floor, ears askew. Toby concentrated all his effort into one paw, painfully extending his arm, reaching for his friend. His attempt was in vain as Prank’s hindpaw settled on the bunny and deftly kicked it into the roaring fire. Toby managed to follow the bunny with his one good eye, trying to save it, his beaten body paralyzed by pain, hurting so much he couldn’t even scream anymore. Far away he felt Prank grab his leg and start pulling him, no doubt to the garage, where he would be shackled to the wall to have his chest and belly whipped. He kept his eye focused on the purple bunny as long as he could, watching the fire grow and expand as it consumed his companion, and as that fire grew, a tiny flame inside him sputtered and died.

I hope you like it....more to come...

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What? [22 Jul 2003|10:59pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Sometimes I wonder if humanity is doomed. I came across this thought whilst innocently letting TV rot my brain when, lo and behold, a commercial appeared. Not just any commercial though. No, this was pure evil!
It was for...Cheer!
No, not a compilation of old Cheers episodes. This was far more sinister. It was for a video that teaches you to cheer. As in cheerleader. Yes, for only 19.95 you can learn how to do cheers, sidelines, chants and all kinds of stuff. You know, cause everybody is getting into it. You know this has to be a high quality video too. It shows in the commercial 6 ugly girls in unflattering, obviously stolen cheerleader uniforms demonstrating routines. Not to mention some bad footage of a cheerleader camp to emphasize their point of "Across the county, thousands are getting into the spirit!"
When you watch this kind of thing, you must realize they target a specific audience. Unlike other late-night infomercials, which anyone can buy into, Cheer! is designed for one particular group. Loser girls. The kind that can't manage to make it on the cheerleading squad or dance team for a variety of reasons. These can be anything from being ugly, unpopular, uncoordinated...a plethora. So, instead of thinking in a mature fashion and realizing that a cheer squad is just another form of a petty, elitist clique designed to sepaate those viewed as more socially desirable from the common 'rabble' these loser girls wallow in their self-pity, worthlessly pining for something they could never possess. Its sad really. You feel sorry for people that buy this video. They just keep buying in to the social norms and levels created in an unnatural society by the educational system in the US.
Here's a free lesson:
The way things work in high school are nothing like the real world as a whole. Its a microchasm, with no purpose or structure.
As a consequence, those that become specifically adapted to this environment often fail as adults. You heard me right, high school is the high point for them. They will never be prettier, more popular or happier.
So rejoice! If you are dysfunction in high school, chances are, you'll do just fine in the real world!

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The Fleecing of Me [14 Jul 2003|07:43am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Its the first day of my new classes, and I absolutely refuse to buy the books. You heard me, those textbooks can kiss my bushy tail. I'm not going to pay eighty dollars for a book I'll hardly use and probably be unable to sell back. Its ridiculous. I still have my biology book from last summer that I couldn't sell back because they switched to a new book. That was 78 dollars down the drain. I intend to use it again, if I need it. Thats a big if. For physics, I'm still not buying the book. Its made by McCraw-Hill so most of the content I'll need is right there on their website.
I'm tired of paying too much for books and not being able to return them. Last session, I paid about one hundred and ten dollars in books. At the end of the session, I only got back thirty-three dollars. They had switched editions mid-session. I'm being driven crazy. And now they're saying I only get the TOPS Opportunity Award, which means no book stipend. Bullshit! Before coming here I went over my transcript and found that I qualified for the highest level of award. I know its my incompetent high school counselor that fucked it up too. Now I need to file a correction plea with my state government.
On top of that, I don't have the money to cover for my special engineering class. I need a laptop and robot parts. The parts are about 400 and I guess a used laptop could be had for maybe 500. So, about 1000 in total. Might as well be a million from my success so far. No loan, no grant, nothing. At the financial aid office they say, "Why don't you borrow the money from a family member?" I almost collapsed from cynical laughter.
Damn, I gotta get to class.

Wish me luck.

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I am Leo! [11 Jul 2003|11:42pm]
LUST
LUST
"passion, awareness, aliveness"
You exhibit an excitement and enthusiasm about life
as well as multi-faceted creativity. You have
the gifts of perception, extended vision,
insight, and intuition and display an eagerness
to display your full creative expression. You
have the ability to fully express yourself,
free of lies and masks and falsehoods. You can
overcome your fears using your creativity, as
shown by the woman on the card.


which major arcana of the thoth tarot deck are you? short, with pictures and detailed results
brought to you by Quizilla
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Update! Update! [11 Jul 2003|01:10pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Damn. The Plan is currently on hold, because I can't get a hold of Isaam. I tried calling him wedsday, but his roomate had the cell-phone all night. I tried calling yesterday, but no-one answered all evening. I might have to push the movie back until tomorrow. Have no fear, the Plan shall go on!

P.S. The plan has been updated. See previous entry.

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The Plan-Overview [09 Jul 2003|05:14pm]
[ mood | productive ]

Alright, I've got a fantastic plan for Friday's date.
Phase 1: The CD
First up is the mixed CD I am making. Consisting of verious love songs for the 80's, no mere mortal can resist their siren's call. That will set some atmoshere in the car.
Phase 2: The clothes
I'll actually be going shopping tomorrow, so new dud will be on the way. I'm thinking stylish, in dark gray? I just need something comfortable and a bit stylish.
Phase 3: What to say.
Alright..the toughest part. I'm thinking, after the movie, I turn to Isaam and say.
"There is no other way to say this Isaam. I am very attracted to you. If you aren't attracted to me, I understand. But if you are.....I wanna make something of that. Will you give me the chance?"

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Cool Dream [05 Jul 2003|12:04pm]
[ mood | awake ]

I just woke up from the coolest dream.
In the dream I was in a forest, in the middle of winter. There was a little light snow, very little, flurries really. There was a huge felled tree and a lake a short distance off, maybe 30 of fifty meters. As I stepped onto the tree, a fox appeared! Anthropomorphic even! No names were exchanged, but within moments 3 other furs arrived. I don't know how, but we all had some understanding or connection. We were all dressed alike, in dark green shorts, which would have been cold(my breath was frosting) but I guess my fur helped keep out the chill. For moment we discussed shelter when I, for some reason, suggested making one of 'biddle' (or maybe it was 'bittle'). After being asked to explain, I used my claws to peel a long(maybe 4 meters or so) strip(a metter wide) from the felled tree. Oddly, the strip looked kinda like white vinyl foam, sticky on one side. I explained(even though I had no clue what I was doing) that we could wrap strips of 'biddle' around a small group of trees to make a good wind shelter. The other furs were in agreement, and we started to work. 3 furs were enough to do the job, so I asked the lynx(I think he was a lynx) if he could hunt, and the young foxboy to gather firewood. In short time we had stipped some biddle and wrpped them around a small grove of immatture, but strong, trees, forming a shelter large enough for the five of us and a small fire. We then fashioned a somewhat patching roof, with several holes for smoke to escape. Luckily the biddle was somewhat mottled with shades of gray, giving it just a bit of camoflauge. Oh, yes, as for a door, we just failed to wrap a line of biddle on a narrow gap between to trees, leaving a ground level hole about a half-meter wide and tall, large enough for us to crawl through and a draft to blow for the fire, but not enough for monster winds. When completed, the shelter was, at it largest(it wasn't a regular circle) about a 1.5 meters wide. So I and the other two crawled inside and waited for the fox and lynx to return, as the wind was picking up and cutting right through our fur. Luck was with us, and the fox brought back some well seasoned wood. The lynx was also succesful, and had caught 2 snow hares. Soon enough we had a small fire going, and fesh rabbit in our bellies. It was rather warm and nice inside, and soon we all kinda sprawled against the fur next to us, head resting on bellies. I suppose it was some kind of instinctive bonding thing, but as we lay there my paws scritched and rubbed across the fox's headfur,ears, neck and shoulders(his head lay against my upper belly/lower chest) as the fox did the same to the lynx, etc across the circle. )Did I mention foxes have super-soft fur?) Soon I felt warmer and safer and better than ever, all kinds of purrs and churrs filling our little shelter before I slipped into darkness and woke up here , in my own bed.

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I don't.... [04 Jul 2003|09:48pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I don't know what I feel. I don't know what I should feel. I feel as though there is some indistinct emotion running just under the surface of my mind, but I can't catch it. I just got back from my date with Isaam, we went and saw T-3. I really think I like Isaam. I mean, really like him. I'm not so sure if he likes me though.

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Damn [03 Jun 2003|11:28pm]
The date last night was so depressingly bad, I don't wanna talk about it for a while.
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::::::UpDate!:::::::::: [02 Jun 2003|12:29pm]
[ mood | rejuvenated ]

::::::UpDate!::::::::::


I am out of my fucking wits here. I can't believe what I did. God I feel stupid......
I have a date tonight.
No big deal, right?
Wrong-its my first date.
With a guy.
Oh fuck.

I still don't believe I made a date with a guy. I mean, I've been so closeted and here I am, making dates with boys! I'm about to just call and cancel. I'm so scared. I'm not sure what to wear, what to say, what to do.

The irony........I called him.
I still don't know why I did it. I guess......I guess I was just tired of hiding, you know? I'm leaving this town forever Sunday, so what does it matter?

Wait, it does matter. My mom will still be here. She wouldn't be mad.....but she'd be hurt that I didn't tell her. I wish I could tell her, but I'm not even sure what I'm doing. I don't what I am or what I want.

I think...I think I just don't want to be alone.

I don't know.

::::::UpDate!::::::::::
I've just gotton out of the shower and dressed. Tonight I'll be wearing:
Pants
Shirt

Watch
Journal won't let me link to the shoes! On The Buckle's website go to shoes
-Bed Stu Butted Seam Shoe
Casual dressy.
Worthy of Drezzer I think!
Except the pants......


On to AppleBee's at five! Then, movie!

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Jesus and Ritz [26 May 2003|08:22pm]
If Jesus were a type of cracker, what cracker do you think he would be? Why?
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I'm a graduate now! [22 May 2003|11:34pm]
[ mood | drunk ]

As of 7:30 this evening I became a high-school graduate. Yay! I finally beat all those smug teachers and admisinstrators. Magne cum laude even. (That means, with great praise!) Yeah, I took Latin for two years. So now I've graduated, and then I partied for a while. I'm taking some time off from the fun to pen this on my friend's computer, so forgive the brevity. Hah, brevity. Thats funny.



Time like this make you look back and realize how ironic your life is. For example, the first boy I ever kissed was named Adam. THe allusion could only be amplified if I hade met him a place called Eden. But no, it was Kaplan. I think I drank that champange a little too fast. IT feels kinda like everything is going through cotton even as I type. I'm still in control though, otherwise I would have never made it up those frickin stairs.



Suffice to say, I think I'll crash here tonight. Say hello to the Gneech for me.
Ciao.

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Busy Busy Busy [20 May 2003|11:53am]
[ mood | rushed ]

Well, this is the second shot at writing this one entry. Last time around Livejournal decided to eat it before submission and I got screwed. This time though, I'm typing it in notepad first. That way nothing will happen to this little gem.
Yeah, its been a long time since I posted. So what? I've been busy! School, a new job and now packing.


Lets go in order with a recap-

1. I lost my job. More on that later.

2. I got a new job. Pushing carts!

3. I was accepted to LA Tech and given tons of moolah!

4. I gotta pack now cause we're selling the house.



Thats right, the house is getting sold. See, my Mom made a bad choice a while back, then got sick, lost her job......just a ton of crap went down and now we gotta sell it. I'm going to really miss this house, I mean, its the first place I've stayed at for more than 2 years! Every other house I lived at was only a temporary place to stay but this house...this house was home. It feels like I'm packing up not jsut my stuff, but my whole life! Its hard, moving on like this. I must adjust to it though. At least I've got college all figured out, right? I should have 39 hours of credit by fall, giving me time to pursue two degrees all in four years. That will be really cool if I can get both. It'll be hard, but I really think I can do it.



I got some more stuff for my dorm room, a computer (2.2 Gigahertz, 80 gigabyte HD) a TV. I'll be taking along my current VCR and the microwave and fridge Mom bought me last summer for my dorm stay. Another piece of good news: I might have a private room all four years! Thanks to my recently diagnosed disability I could end up with a remodeled room at no extra charge-without a roomie even! Oh yeah, thats important too, I was diagnosed with a moderate case of Asperger's Syndrome which makes me eligible for services. Asperger's is considered to be one of the highest functioning form of autism, and in moderate to mil cases may actually be beneficial. People with AS often become obsessed with a particular narrow field or subject, becoming experts in said field. With an emphasis on 'Folk Physics' AS sufferers often excell in subjects that require almost obsessive attention to detail, such as math, science or music. Balancing this out is a weakness with 'Folk Psychology' marked by an inability to make emotional connections between people. For example, I accidentally made a girl cry at school two weeks ago. I was never aware of her emotional state up until the moment she began to cry. when she did, I failed to instantly sympathize with her hurts, and only realized that I should have felt remorse after thinking the incident through.


Thusly-The girl is crying-why?..I made her cry...Crying is a sign of pain....Causing pain is wrong....I should now feel bad for causing pain.


This type of detachment can cause difficulties with social interaction and irregular behavior patterns. So its somewhat of a blessing and a curse. I can figure out complex solutions and spot patterns in numbers and shapes faster than most people. I've been told I'm brilliant and creative. My attention to detail and procedure often assists me. So in that way its good.
On the other hand, my social skills are not quite up to par with others in my age group. I feel uncomfortable in crowds or with unfamiliar people. I sometimes have difficulty starting conversations or just chit-chatting. I hate chit-chat. Can't stand to do it. It takes an actual effort of will just to do it.



Now that the rambling is over, back to current events. In about a week I'll be packing the computer for a couple of days, but until then expect little updates every other day or so. Once I'm in the dorm I should be posting at least once a day. See you all later!

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God-damn it! [19 May 2003|12:14pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I wrote a really fuckin long post, and there was an error! Its gone! FUCK!

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My Comic [15 Jan 2003|04:09pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Its about time I finished my first comic, and here it is! Allow me to explain all I went through just to make this one strip.

1. Characters-I needed characters, and bad. Coming up with characters will be something I will always need to do.
2. Setting- There is little background, but as I get better, you can anticipate better backdrops.
3. Scripting-This is very important, without a good script I'm dead.
4. The dialogue- I worked for a while on the right words, acting out the scene to polish it. I'm an actor by trade, so that really helped.
5. Then I had to sketch it. First I put in the text so I would know how much space I had to work with. Then I had to fill the space. That was tough. I had to sketch, and sketch and re-sketch. Mostly because I can't draw. After I had it as close to good as I thought I could manage, I went over everything with an ebony pencil so the scanner would pick it up.

After it was scanned I still had to clean it up and then insert the typed dialogue. Finally I ended up with this!
Comic Scroll down to comic.jpg

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Work-Damn It All [12 Jan 2003|09:46pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

I hate work. I hate it. I hate work. I hate all customers too. I hate them all.
I work at a popular fast-food restaurant.
Doesn't matter which one, pick any.
Its terrible.
Its repetitive. Boring. I'm constantly surrounded by morons. Long hours. You'd hate it too.
The worst is the customers.
allow me to list some of the worst customers ever.
1. The mumbler/soft talker-when you work drive-thru, you have to deal with horrible intercom systems. You can't hear crap. Then this person comes along and whispers! Or talks with the window up. Then they get angry when you ask them to pull up. I hate them.
2. The change-impaired - Nothing quite matches the person who orders 1.09 worth of food and then pays with a 100 dollar bill. When they have a handfull of dollar bills. This forces me to get my manager to check if it is counterfeit and get the change, since I rarely have that much in my drawer, thus delaying the line and getting me in trouble.
3. Indecisive folks- They come in, they make a huge order. Halfway through, they go back and change something. They finish, then remove the first half. Then they add more stuff. Then they change it. You get the point. And these aren't people who just drive up, I'm talking about customers who have stared at the menu for five minutes. Need I mention that while they're gurgling at the menu I have to stand at the counter, not doing other work. Work I gotta do before my shift is done.
4. Messy, filthy pigs- I have to clean the lobby. Its my job. I understand that mess will happen. Some salt here, a napkin there, right? Then how does half a hamburger end up smeared across the wall? Some customers strew their food halfway across a table?
5. Really, really rude people- Here's a great example of what I mean:
Customer: I wanna burger and mumblemumble.
Me: Thats a burger and a..what else maam?
Customer: A superburger! If you understood me the first time!!!!!
Thats mean.

I'm underpaid, overworked and stressed out.
People keep asking me personal questions. About Jesus. "Are you this excited about Jesus?" That has happened multiple times. I have no way to get them to shut the hell up and move on. so then my manager rags on me.

I hate my job.

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Topics? [12 Jan 2003|01:04am]
[ mood | tired ]

I haven't had much time to enter anything in my journal because of various mid-terms and lots of work. ::sigh:: So now I have three topics saved up for my journal! Its up to my friends(the ones that read my Journal, aka Blacktigr and Tkarrde98) to decide which topic will be addressed first! I do believe polls are a paid uaser perk, so I'll list the choices and comments will have to do I guess.
1. Work- A rambling rant about my stupid job. It should be entertaining.
2. My life- Another rant, which should tell you more about me.
3. Even though Keenspot is not up, I've skectched my first strip! If this topic i choosen, I'll post it here for now, and try talking about the new ideas I've had.

I'll tally the (two) votes on Monday!
Happy weekend!

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